Category: Parents Zone

Written by: Director, The Hong Kong Institute of Family Education

                   Dr. Tik Chi-yuen

To maintain good and intimate family relationships, three elements are needed, including family planning, family communication and family empathy. Whether it is an individual, a group or a community, there is a need to have a plan. These plans should include directions, goals, actions and solutions to problems. Likewise, every family needs to have its own family plan. In simpler terms, planning for home ownership, savings, travel, and children requires clear planning and action. In the process of talking about these plans, it is important for all family members to share them, and for everyone to agree on them so that they can work together to create a happy family.

Once we have a plan, we should try to put it into practice and implement it. In the process of practice, good communication is needed. In a family, there will always be disagreements and disputes between members. If these disagreements and disputes are not resolved, they will turn into family disputes and conflicts, and the family plan will not achieve its goal.

The most effective way to resolve disputes and conflicts between members is through communication. When people and nations face conflicts, there are two ways to resolve them: one is to fight, to defeat the opponent, and to win; the other is to communicate, to negotiate, to understand, and to find a solution.

In my opinion, the second method of solving problems through communication is the most ideal. And what problems cannot be solved in the family? As long as we can communicate effectively, we will always find a solution that is acceptable to everyone, so a good family needs to be built by effective communication.

To achieve mutual understanding and accommodation, we need to be empathetic, that is, to understand each other’s difficulties and needs from the other person’s perspective, and for adolescent children, it is even more important for family members to be understanding because they are in a rebellious period and need to learn to be independent. Everyone faces different situations and difficulties, and there may be unique difficulties that come from not doing well in some areas.

If we can understand each other’s point of view more often, we will have different understandings and thus accept each other’s situation more easily, which will make us accept and understand each other more. Family members should think more from each other’s point of view. This will help to reduce conflicts, so that we can reach a consensus and solve the problem quickly.

Written by: Speech Therapist, Lee Wing Yan

I once encountered a 5-year-old child in my work. He appeared well-behaved and polite, just like other children his age. However, he had a distinguishing feature—he wore a hearing aid in his left ear. He was a child with hearing impairment. As the term suggests, hearing impairment refers to “disabilities caused by hearing loss, ranging from mild hearing loss to complete deafness.” But does hearing impairment only affect a child’s ability to hear?

Understanding Surrounding Sounds to Build Concepts

Think about it: before toddlers can articulate meaningful words, what ability do they first possess? It’s the ability to “babble.” So what is an essential step for toddlers before they learn to speak “baby talk”? It is learning to understand the sounds in their environment and establishing concepts through interactions with those sounds (including meaningful conversations from parents and nursery rhymes). They come to understand that different sounds represent different people, events, and objects, gradually comprehending words and building language. Consequently, children with hearing impairments receive less and weaker sensory stimulation in terms of “hearing” compared to their normally hearing peers, which can lead to delays in language development.

Reduced Listening Experience and Difficulty Following Instructions

Children with hearing impairments are unable to fully receive external information through their sense of “hearing,” which reduces their listening experiences and opportunities for language exposure. As a result, they often exhibit inattentiveness, have difficulty following instructions, and struggle with understanding more complex sentence structures, impacting their learning. The process of language learning occurs through paying attention to and receiving external input, followed by repeated exposure to similar messages and connections to specific concepts, imitation, and application. Therefore, many children with hearing impairments tend to have weaker grammar usage, sentence expression, and vocabulary recognition as they grow, with research indicating that the gap in vocabulary recognition between them and their peers widens with age.

Impact on Phonetic Development and Difficulty Distinguishing Tones

Another more evident impact of hearing impairment on young children’s language development is its effect on their phonetic development. Generally, children with hearing impairments have lower sensitivity to high-frequency sounds and low-intensity sounds, causing them to miss these phonemes. For instance, in Cantonese, words containing sounds like /f/, /s/, /ts/, and /tsh/ (e.g., “飛,” “三,” “吱,” “車”) may be mispronounced as “悲,” “擔,” “啲,” and “爹,” respectively. Such mispronunciations stem from the child’s hearing impairment, leading to a lack of sensitivity to certain sounds, making it difficult for them to recognize their own pronunciation errors or the differences between their pronunciation and that of others.

Moreover, Cantonese is a “tonal language,” typically having nine tones. The differences between these tones are subtle, so just as with pronunciation, children with hearing impairments may not perceive the distinctions between tones due to their reduced sensitivity, leading others to perceive their speech as foreign or singsong.

Early Intervention and Treatment

Of course, not every child with hearing impairment will face challenges with language development or pronunciation. I have also encountered many hearing-impaired children and adults with excellent language skills. Like other health issues, “early intervention” is key to addressing these problems. Therefore, if you suspect that your child has any hearing issues, it is crucial to seek evaluation from an ENT specialist and an audiologist as soon as possible to determine whether a hearing aid is needed or if other treatments are necessary. If a child does indeed have hearing problems, merely wearing a hearing aid may not fully resolve or prevent language development issues associated with hearing impairment. Thus, it is also important to receive appropriate speech therapy early on, so that the child’s language development can catch up with their peers.

Written by: Gigamind English Primary School, Principal Kenneth Law

The Primary 1 application process has begun. How can parents choose the right school for their children? How to determine if a school is the right one? While a child’s individual traits are certainly important, young children are highly adaptable. Therefore, the parents’ expectations for education and whether the school can meet those expectations become more crucial. Parents can learn about a school through the following methods:

1. School websites

Many parents would use the school website to understand the school, but the design direction of different school websites varies, making it difficult to compare them. However, websites generally provide some basic information, which can be considered a convenient way to learn about the school.

2. Primary School Profile

“Primary School Overview” is also a means to obtain basic information about schools. Unlike websites, the layout of “Primary School Overview” has limitations on titles and word count, making it appear easier to compare. However, it is difficult to see the school’s features, so “Primary School Overview” can only be considered as an additional convenient approach for parents to get to know the school.

3. Understanding through “Word of Mouth” 

Collecting opinions of different people about the school, commonly known as “word of mouth,” can be an important way to understand the school. In fact, it is also a significant factor considered by most parents. However, there are two points that parents need to pay attention to when understanding the school through word of mouth. Firstly, everyone’s observations may be incomplete, and schools can change, so parents should listen to different opinions. Secondly, everyone has different expectations for education. What others consider important advantages may not be important to you, and you may even consider them as disadvantages.

4. Visiting the School 

What about visiting the school? Some people doubt whether visiting the school can reveal its true nature, but I believe that personal contact is still important. Every school has information they want the public to know, which represents the elements the school values. This information can be obtained during a visit. Does this school want everyone to know that its students have good discipline or are lively and confident? Does it emphasize high academic standards or a diverse range of activities? Parents can make comparisons based on these aspects.

By having a clear understanding of their own expectations for education and evaluating in their own direction, it is less likely to be influenced by superficial factors. Choosing a school for one’s children is not easy, but if parents can be clear about what they want and use various approaches to gather information, they will believe that everything will fall into place.

I believe all parents have heard the term “glass heart,” and no one wants their children to have a “glass heart.” Whether they are just starting school or entering the workforce, everyone faces various levels of competition. If they don’t know how to cope, it can lead to mental and physical exhaustion, even affecting personal development. Allowing children to participate in competitions based on their interests and willingness offers many benefits:

1. Learning to Follow Rules

Every competition or competitive game has its own set of rules that must be followed, such as arriving on time and adhering to size specifications for submitted work. These experiences teach children the importance of following rules. Parents can also explain why these rules exist, such as fairness in size specifications and convenience with deadlines.

2. Learning to Express Themselves

Not every child is born with a strong desire to perform or is accustomed to showcasing their talents. Children who participate in competitions can boost their confidence by observing the behavior of other children and responding to the cheers and encouragement from the audience, learning to be more willing to express themselves.

3. Learning to Face Winning and Losing

In any competitive situation, whether it’s a competition or a game, there will always be winners and losers, and often there is only one champion. When a child achieves victory, parents can provide appropriate encouragement to maintain their enthusiasm for the activity and the competition. This is also a good opportunity to teach children to express gratitude to the staff, teammates, and friends who supported them during the competition.

Even if they unfortunately lose, parents can accompany their children through feelings of disappointment, helping them understand that even in failure, there are valuable lessons to be learned for next time. They should realize that losing a competition does not mean they gained nothing. More importantly, it’s essential to reflect on the experience of failure and prepare for the next opportunity.

“Why don’t you listen?” “Look at how well-behaved that child is.” Have you ever found these phrases familiar? The issue of children not listening is a common problem that many parents struggle to resolve. Some parents resort to scolding, which can worsen the parent-child relationship, while others choose to ignore the behavior, fearing their children will become worse as they grow up.

If you want your children to grow up healthy and happy while also being able to follow instructions, it’s actually not difficult—the key lies in the hands of the parents.

1. Avoid Bombarding with Demands

Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine that when you arrive at work, your boss immediately throws ten tasks at you. You would likely feel frustrated, unsure of where to start, and overwhelmed by the sheer volume of work. The same goes for children; receiving too many instructions at once can leave them feeling confused, and they may not have the ability to prioritize those tasks, leading them to simply “pretend not to hear.” Parents should wait for their children to complete one task before giving them another, rather than listing all demands at once.

2. Avoid Using Interrogative Phrasing

Some parents like to give instructions in the form of questions, such as “How about you clean up after eating?” For children, this is not an instruction but rather a question that they can choose to ignore. If parents want their children to clean up after meals, they should say directly, “You need to clean up after eating.”

Choose a Time When Everyone is Focused

When to give instructions is also an important aspect. Sometimes, when children are watching TV or using their phones, they may not hear your instructions at all; they might just respond with a reflexive “Oh” or “Okay,” and then forget completely. Parents can wait until after the children have finished watching TV, or directly ask them for a minute of their attention to ensure that they understand the request. Additionally, when making requests, parents should also put aside other tasks to model focused communication for their children.

It is very common for children in Hong Kong to need to wear glasses due to myopia. Since myopia can affect children’s lives and learning, parents need to understand how to deal with it and seek medical attention early to control the progression of myopia, preventing it from worsening. Doctors remind parents to pay attention to the details of their children’s vision in daily life to check for any abnormalities. If needed, myopia control eye drops or suitable glasses can be used to correct vision. For children with severe myopia, close monitoring is even more essential.

Dr. Chan Shun Kit, Honorary Consultant Ophthalmologist at Glorious Hospital, stated, “High myopia” refers to myopia of over 600 degrees: “The longer the eyeball is stretched, the more severe the myopia becomes. The average length of a human eyeball is about 22 to 25 millimeters. For every millimeter of elongation, myopia may worsen by around 300 degrees. If myopia reaches 800 degrees or above, the risk of complications such as cataracts, glaucoma, and retinal detachment increases. For children with severe myopia, the primary goal for parents is to prevent the degree from continuously deepening, as the impacts on various aspects of growth can be long-lasting.”

Observing Children for Signs of Myopia in Detail

However, children often have myopia without realizing it themselves; they may only feel that things appear blurry without explicitly mentioning it. Dr. Chan advises parents to observe details of their children’s daily lives: “Check if your child frequently squints, sits close to the TV, or seems distracted. The most common signs are having difficulty seeing the blackboard at school, slower or error-prone handwriting, and even declining academic performance.” He suggests parents communicate regularly with teachers to understand their children’s learning situations and to identify vision problems early on.

To slow the progression of myopia in children, it is crucial to cultivate good lifestyle habits. Dr. Chan gives examples such as maintaining a distance of 30 centimeters from objects when looking at them and avoiding lying down or reading in dimly lit areas. Proper lighting is also essential when children are doing homework; for instance, if a child is right-handed, the light should come from the upper left. He adds that children around the age of 3 or 4 can undergo regular vision checks, and a balanced diet rich in Vitamin A is essential for overall eye health.

Improving Lifestyle Habits to Control Myopia

If a child’s myopia has progressed to the point of affecting their daily life and learning, parents can adapt by seeking appropriate treatment for their children. Dr. Chan mentions four methods to control the progression of myopia. The first method involves using “myopia control eye drops,” which use low-concentration doses to manage myopia, suitable for children’s use once a day. However, this is not a “miracle cure”; after using the eye drops, improvements in lifestyle habits or wearing glasses are still necessary to correct vision. Parents can also consider a combination approach tailored to their child’s situation, incorporating both myopia control eye drops and wearing defocus glasses.

The second method involves wearing defocus glasses, which place the image in front of the retina to slow down the elongation of the eye axis in myopic patients. The third and fourth methods involve wearing defocus contact lenses (hard lenses) or (soft lenses), typically recommended for children aged 7 and above. Hard lenses require daily cleaning, while soft lenses need daily replacement to reduce the risk of bacterial infections.

Dr. Chan mentions a case of a 6-year-old child with 200-degree myopia; the parents thought it was okay to delay glasses for a few more years, but during this time, the child’s vision continued to deteriorate, impacting their learning. He advises parents that if a child has myopia, early intervention is crucial, as the notion that “wearing glasses too early is bad for children” is a misconception.

*Note:

Dr. Chan emphasizes that there are various approaches to slowing the progression of myopia, each with different effectiveness, side effects, and risks. Parents should discuss with doctors to choose the most suitable treatment plan based on their child’s health and specific vision issues.

Written by: YEUNG Ming Ha, Registered Chinese Medicine Practitioner

As we move into early autumn, in addition to starting to feel the cool breezes, we also notice that many of our friends around us have started to “itch”, and skin problems have come knocking on the door again! Many people have rushed to seek medical attention, constantly inquiring whether they have already contracted incurable eczema. Although eczema itself has different categories, in terms of the pathogenesis, there are many similarities with skin sensitivity. How exactly should we distinguish between skin sensitivity and eczema? Is eczema really as terrible as it seems?

1. Causes of the Condition

Eczema is a common type of allergic dermatitis that is not contagious. In traditional Chinese medicine, it is referred to as “damp sores”, and it is a very common skin condition. The internal factors of eczema include constitution, emotions, and organ dysfunction, while the external factors include wind, dampness, and heat obstructing the skin. “Where evil congregates, the vital energy must be deficient.” When the body’s righteous qi is weakened, and the immune system function is reduced, wind, dampness, and heat evils permeate the skin, leading to the development or worsening of eczema.

Skin sensitivity, also known as urticaria, is closely related to certain food sensitivities or contact with substances. There are two common types of skin sensitivity. The first is an allergic reaction triggered by exposure to external irritants such as metals, dust mites, and chemicals. The second is caused by food sensitivity, which can lead to varying degrees of skin sensitivity issues, including redness, dryness, and peeling, as well as intense itching that may result in a “scratching” sensation.

2. Differences in the Appearance of the Affected Areas

In terms of the appearance of the skin rash, skin sensitivity generally presents with redness, and even urticaria, which can worsen after scratching. Acute eczema can manifest with red rashes, oozing, and even bleeding, while chronic eczema can lead to thickening of the stratum corneum, an uneven surface, dryness, and even cracking. Once this thickened stratum corneum is scratched off, it can not only cause bleeding, but also result in oozing. Moreover, eczema can occur on any part of the body, such as the ears, head, face, hands, navel, and legs, but in a symmetrical distribution. Patients often experience intense itching, and when they scratch the affected areas, it can lead to skin erosion, oozing of serous fluid, and even the formation of thick crusts. The repeated episodes can make the skin surface rough and with raised lesions.

3. Treatments Converge Towards the Same Goal

Skin problems are primarily related to the three pathogenic factors of wind, dampness, and heat, especially dampness. Dampness can engender heat, leading to a damp-heat pattern. Over time, dampness can injure the spleen, while heat can damage the yin blood, resulting in a mixed pattern of deficiency and excess. This is because the patient’s innate constitution (inherent physical factors) is intolerant, with a weakened spleen and stomach, leading to the generation of internal damp-heat. When combined with an external wind evil, the internal and external evils interact, causing the wind-damp-heat evil to permeate the skin. Patients generally have a congenitally weak spleen and stomach constitution. Excessive consumption of spicy, irritating foods like seafood, or a large intake of raw, cold foods in summer can lead to dampness and toxins burdening the body, further impairing the spleen’s function and increasing the likelihood of developing skin sensitivity.

Therefore, dietary adjustment is crucial in the treatment of skin problems. Patients with skin diseases should avoid “aggravating foods” during the treatment period. These include seafood, beef, sweets, spicy foods, and alcohol – items that can trigger or worsen skin rashes. Patients should also avoid various skin irritants, such as scratching, using strongly alkaline soaps, taking hot showers, and engaging in activities that cause excessive sweating, as these can provide relief for eczema.

Written by: The Educational Psychologist Team of the Heep Hong Society

For young children with autism who have intellectual and language abilities at the 5-6 year old level, what kind of books should they read? What techniques should parents use when reading with their children?

Young children with high-functioning autism should be able to understand simple moral stories. Parents can refer to the “social story” format to help children with autism effectively understand the content. When the child is familiar with the story content, parents can replace the main character with other real people, or even the child themselves, so that the child can gradually put themselves into the moral story scenario. The story characters can be changed, and the story plot can also be slightly altered: for example, “grandma’s house” can be changed to “aunt’s house”, allowing the child to flexibly apply what they have learned. Of course, changes to the characters and plot should be made before the child develops rigidity towards the story details. As for fables, fairy tales and mythological stories that commonly use abstract metaphors, they can be used only when the child with autism has the ability to generalize their knowledge.

In terms of cognition, when the child’s comprehension reaches a certain level, parents can emphasize emotional words in the story, such as “When she saw the dog, Mei Mei was very scared.” When the child is ready to learn the concept of sequence, parents can emphasize the description of time, such as “Mei Mei did something wrong, and then she said she was sorry.” Based on the child’s level, parents can utilize each page of the storybook, adding or emphasizing appropriate words.

In terms of parent-child interaction, for children with autism who have higher abilities, they can take turns with their parents to tell the story, one sentence at a time. This method not only trains the child’s ability to continue the story and focus on listening to others, but also allows the child to deepen their impression of the story through active participation. By using storybooks flexibly, parents can meet the developmental needs of the child and promote parent-child interaction. Children with autism often lack imaginative ability, so storybooks that come with character dolls can be very useful: initially, just tell the story, then add the dolls, and gradually reduce the use of the storybook, until finally using only the dolls to tell the story, and using the “one sentence for you, one sentence for me” method to guide the child out of the storybook and into the world of imaginative play.

In terms of social cognition, parents who use comics can use correction fluid to white out the “speech bubbles” of the characters, then work with the child to create new dialogues. Initially, they can modify certain words or phrases, and when both parties are familiar with the method, they can modify more parts, until all the dialogues are self-created. Daring parents can even try to custom-make storybooks for their child and design different ways of storytelling to attract the child to learn the social concepts they need.

Written by: Dr. Cheung Kit

In this era, parents’ protection of their children surpasses that of any previous generation. This may be due to the decrease in the number of children and the improvement in living standards, leading to parents spending more time and providing more comprehensive care for their children. Under such (possibly excessive) protection, children often become very self-centered and disregard the importance of others. From the parents’ perspective, they are inevitably biased and more tolerant of their own children. When faced with their children’s inappropriate behavior, parents tend to make excuses for them. This common human behavior, however, may lead to children becoming unruly. Therefore, in the difficult situation of balancing right and wrong, if someone is willing to “offer help and guidance,” parents should be grateful. The following are “important figures.”

1. Teachers

Teachers are among the people who spend the most time with children. We would prefer teachers to directly point out the rights and wrongs to children during their daily interactions. This direct message can effectively “sink in” for the children. Sometimes, facing negative criticism, children will naturally feel unhappy, but it helps them understand the boundaries. Therefore, parents should appreciate the strict guidance of teachers and avoid casually complaining about their efforts.

2. Elders

Many elders may be very strict with their own children but tend to be much more lenient with their grandchildren, sometimes even more so than the children’s parents. However, the status and life experience of elders are actually superior to anyone else’s. Therefore, their “one word of praise” can be more effective than others’ advice. The question is whether they are willing to play the role of the bad guy. If they are, parents should be grateful for their assistance.

3. Medical Personnel

Medical personnel have always been relatively respected. However, children often have an aversion to medical procedures. Therefore, during consultations and treatments, children’s reactions often present a good teaching opportunity. If medical personnel (including doctors and nurses) are willing to provide guidance when children exhibit uncooperative behavior, the children will likely understand better. Although they may not correct their behavior immediately, it will certainly help in their life learning process.

4. Passersby

Sometimes, unrelated bystanders can immediately point out inappropriate behavior in children, which can have a startlingly effective impact. For the parents present, this might be a bit embarrassing, but thinking it through, it is beneficial for the child’s behavior.

Children in their growth and learning phase need proper guidance, especially when their behavior deviates. Therefore, if parents are unwilling to play the “bad guy,” we should be grateful and appreciative if others are willing to speak up and correct the child.